I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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