Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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