I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
