I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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