Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
