I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
