i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
