when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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