Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
