OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize