I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
