My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
