So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
