the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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