just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize