apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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