Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
