Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize