I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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