I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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