The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
