oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
