you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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