Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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