My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
