I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
