I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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