I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
