He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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