he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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