i think i have herpe
just one?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
