I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
