well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
