Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
