You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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