my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
