Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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