I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
