if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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