Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
