Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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