I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
