OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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