I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
