I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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