was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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