Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
did you just send me my own nude
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
