If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
