Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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