"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
