Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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