South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
