Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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