This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
