I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
