I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
