so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
