Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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