I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
