Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
