i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think i have herpe
just one?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
