Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
