i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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