worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
