20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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