We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
