I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
