I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
