Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
