I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
