Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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